What in the hell!?
Note: Update 8/5/09
**********SORRY BUT THE LINK IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE....IT WAS SHOWING A PARTY WHERE THIS LITTLE GIRL (5 OR 6) ON HER KNEES DOGGYSTYLE PUMPING, THEN SHE WENT TO THE WALL AND GOT ON HER HEAD, SPREADING HER LEGS AND POPPING IT**********************
A kindegarten party....where an adult...filmed this shit... and didnt whoop this lil' girl's ass!? Where they doin that at...?! HERE in America every GOTDAMN DAY! This lil girl aint older than 6 and can do a damn poppin in a headstand! I feel outdone! Sheeyat! What is wrong that it's ok to encourage this type of behavior...oh and did u see the lil' boy walk up w/ his own digital camera and start gettin that shit captured for life!? Freaknik in Pre K! WTF!? And whats sad is that the lil' girl momma probably gave the girl step by step instructions on how to do that shit! I'm disgusted! That is all... I'll prob write more later but let me say this now...if that was my lil' girl....She'd have a permanent limp cuz I'd whoop the dawg shit out of her! (is that harsh?)
Monday, August 3, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Hair we go again....
If you haven't seen School Daze you should be smacked....lol j/k! Seriously, if you seen the movie you will immediately recognize the clip above! Why is hair such a MAJOR part focal point in the black community? And ultimately why does it usually trickle down to light skin vs dark skin, black vs. bi/multi-racial and even "keepin' it real" vs. "superficial fake"? Black women make up an estimated 6-7% of the American society but we account for 80% of hair product purchases.
What is good hair? Usually this is catergorized as straight, wavy, silky, luxurious, long, and lots of body? As seen in the clip from the Tyra Banks show below, one lady states she has the "white girl flow" because she has a good grade of hair (No honey you can get that w/ a relaxer, some BioSilk and bad-ass set of flat irons!).
What is bad hair? Usually generalized as kinky, nappy, short and limp hair. To me it's DEAD hair...you know...the ladies that hold on to it because it's past their shoulders....Nevermind the fact its broken of on one side to the ear's length and thin in the middle....them 7-8 inches of length in the back can make them feel important!
I prefer to use Healthy vs Nonhealthy hair! Cute vs. Hot mess (referring to styles) but to judge and set forth standards of what is considered good and bad is dumb! Now I've been guilty of jokin' around and sayin, "ooooooooooh girl u got that good hair!" and all but I can recognize beauty in all types of hair. If it comes out of your scalp and it's healthy that is all that should matter! Healthy hair is hair that grows and isn't brittle or damaged (well that's what I'm callin' it).
Chemicals in our hair:
LOL ok so maybe not SoulGlo! Yet we choose these for "illusion" purposes, managability, convenience, etc. In my book, this is not fake or un-urban. This is about the options and the choice we can make for ourselves. Not everybody does it, not everybody needs it, hell some dont need it but do it anyway; regardless, it's their choice! If you want you hair dyed, fried and laid to the side....SO BE IT!
Weaves/Extensions:
Yes we wear it and wear it often! WEAVE! Ranging from 99 cent jumbo braiding hair to $2000 Human Hair....if you sell it they will come! From bootleg hair sellers to chinese Hair Worlds to Wal-Mart in the hoods to Sally's to your local Beauty Salon, hair is sold in all styles, lengths, colors, textures and heat/non-heat friendly bundles! LOL from 27-pieces to Yaky to Remy it's your choice! The debate surrounding weave is that it is worn to be be like "white" people, to be fake, to serve as convenient, to protect hair from constant heat, etc. I currently have micro braids and am a fan of weave! Soley for convenience since I dont like having to wrap my hair (it only seemed easy when I had short hair) and I don't like having to apply heat to it a lot. I have rocked the short do and I have had long hair as well... I prefer the short hair but it just isnt convenient! I have had a relaxer for all of my adult life and don't think I'll ever go natural just because.... if I did I would want locks and I dont have the patience for that...who knows that may change one day... But does that make me fake? I will tell ya in a heartbeat that it aint my hair and dare you to call me fake to my face! Now don't get me wrong THERE ARE people who fake the funk and will tell you forever and a day that that's they real hair and they got Cherokee in they family...but for the most part why is it a major concern one way or the other?
Natural:
From pressing combs to twists to braids to locks, natural hair is without chemicals. It is rocking your natural grade of hair. "Rockin the Natural" is generally associated w/ afros and locks, but it is what it means...in its original state...hell I know females that have locks w/ extensions but no one says they're fake. For some reason, a double standard is held for the word fake when it comes to the kinky weave or the afro like hairstyles that require more hair for a fuller look... Why is that? Why cant it be attributed to stylish desires? In most part when the "natural look" is mentioned, some may see this in their minds
or 
but not this?
They may have catergorized her as "Good Hair"... And again I ask what is good hair? And why have we allowed society to label what should be considered as such?
Ladies just remember, you are not your hair! It doesn't make you or break you...well unless your a Herbal Essence model and you have hair like my daddy....
..... then you might have just lost your job! LOL But seriously...it is what we are given..Our grade of hair is not an option when going natural....so if what you have naturally is not what you are content with FINE! Change it up! If you are tired of your long locks and want to cut them off FINE cut it! If you hate your Curly Q hair FINE relax it! If you like it Juicy FINE get you some of that ol' Gold and red bottle and squirt squirt squirt it up! It's your hair! It's your head! It's your CHOICE! I think society should respect that. Ladies...Indie said it best...I am not my Hair! Make the hair, don't let it make you!We have already passed a massive misconception on to our children....Why are babies getting relaxers and why are 1-13 year olds wearing weaves? Its not ok for a 6 year old to be comfortable with perms and and a 12 year old to be comfortable with tracks!
Instead they should feel confident and pretty with their own natural hair....
let the decisions to strip them of their Virgin hair be their own adult choice....cuz as we all know...once you put a relaxer in....it's never the same grade....even if u cut it all off!Also, I'm sure most of you have heard by now Chris Rocks Sundance Festival documentary Good Hair...it will be in theatres soon.
Do you think it will do the issues of Black Hair justice? Answer any questions? Settle any disputes?
Let me hear you thoughts, comments, critiques and/or added thoughts!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Weighing the Issues
Note: Updated 8/5/09 --- Since posting this blog, I have decided to not have the surgery and simply just go hard at losing this weight myself despite the obstacles I may face. After much soul searching and research I just don't think I want to live on such a confined path for the rest of my life and I have a great support system to help me in the process. (JW)
Ok....guess along w/ keepin it real, I will state that I am 5'8 and last time I was weighed (month ago) I was 274 lbs. May have lost a few since then, but hearing that, you may imagine a big fat slob...WELL I'm no skinny chick thats for damn sure, but damn it, I hold it well! I also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and it's definitely a contributing factor in my weight gain. However, I also have not always made the healthiest of choices either. And in my condition, I have been informed that I don't have the luxury of being relaxed about those choices and I'll be fighting an uphill battle until I lose...well a lot of weight. I wasn't diagnosed until early last fall and so until that diagnosis, I never really understood why I would gain weight at the rate I was along with other complications. ----->Fast Fowared----->Over the last 13 months, a series of visits, referrals, tests, labwork readings, medications, etc. I have agreed (via Drs recommendations and much much research) to have gastric bypass surgery as a means to remedy crucial complications because this would eliminate 90-100% of my complications. Leaving me a healthier woman.
AGAIN... you may be thinking Big Fat Slob! Who else needs a Bariatric surgery?!
(FLASHBACK) Dr. Williams walks in and immediately states, "You do know there are certain BMI and weight requirements in order to be able to go thru with any weight loss surgery?" I laugh and had him the slip the nurse gave me after I stepped on a metal square that apparently told them everything about my weight! "You certainly don't look it," he says. I almost screamed at him, "WELL I AM!" We begin to discuss my options back and forth....but moving on.
I am having gastric bypass. There is some general assumptions that this is an easy way out, I'm lazy, I just want to eat....
For some individuals this very may be true, but in my case it isn't! As per my Doctor, I am in a "chicken vs egg" situation. By this I mean, with PCOS, I gain weight because of it. It only gets better if you lose weight. The more you gain the harder it is to lose. (Egg comes first then there is chicken but chicken produces egg - PCOS comes first- gains weight- weight produces weightloss resistance) There is no cure for it so I must maintain a healthy lifestyle and lose weight to help rid myself of complications caused in relation to PCOS. As for easy way out, this is anything but...I am officially signing me up for daily regimens of horse pill Calcium Citrate + Vitamin D and multi-vitamins, no more Sodas, no gum, foods with less than 15g of sugar, and how can I forget the 2-3 months it may take to even get back to solid foods. Those that know me know (although minor to you) I will miss my damn sweet tea and fruit teas! LOL Also, if I don't follow the rules, I can experience hair loss, "dumping syndrome" , malnutrition, stomach stretching, etc.
So some may ask am I happy that I'll be losing weight...and I'd say yes. Some would ask what is wrong w/ me now, I look good....I'd say thank you but my health is more important. I can't truly say I'm accepting of my weight b/c I am not. I know that I experience the frustration of buying clothes sometimes (forgive me but LANE BRYANT charges penalty fees in their clothes b/c $45 for shirt w/ grandma designs? come on...), getting winded from simple activities, having to scoot up and then get up from the couch, self-esteem issues (bullshit if you a big girl and aint never had a self-esteem moment...comment that shit if I'm wrong!) health risks, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I am a beautiful woman! I carry myself very well and again, although it's no secret I'm not skinny, I normally have to step on a scale for people to believe my weight! *Shout out to the guess your weight people at Fairs, I can always count on you guys for a prize* ....Just at the end of the day, my health is much more of a deciding factor.
The Weight Issue: Big vs Skinny
We all remember the beginning of Oprah's very public Battle of the Bulge...
To me, Oprah was normal, I saw women that size everywhere and noone made a big deal. They seemed happy and looked good. Proud black women. I mean she carried herself well and she dressed nice. Oprah made a change and lost weight because she wanted to. I'm sure there could be factors such as health contributing but it was her business and her right to decide what her weight should be! But I guess b/c she is *in Oprah tone* OPRAAAAH! Her battle (even currently) is very public.
Now Roseanne...
has come along way, maybe not necessarily a battle but improvement over the years for sure!
I grew up in Orange County, CA and in the 6th grade I was about 5'6 and maybe 110 lbs. Well one day this white girl (yes I could have just said girl) called me fat. I laughed at her. Unphased, I thought nothing more of it - well not after I talked about her acne so bad she cried!
LMAO But why on earth would it even be logical to call someone who is 110 lbs fat?
I was a stick until about my late sophomore/early junior year of HS.
I always had thicker legs though. By the time I graduated from high school, I was 5'8 and 175 lbs. In my opinion that was the best weight for me. Keep in mind I have a big head and being too skinny aint cute on me! *imagines bobble head* LOL a lil' weight helps even that out! Seriously though, I had a pretty good waistline, big legs and nice arms. *trying to determine when I woke up with DD's though...they are definitely weight-gain related! lol* 
From this picture I was 30 lbs over my "ideal" weight of 145. However the weight kept coming and *fast foward* ten years later I have gained 100 lbs. 
Now in knowing I have PCOS, and that this is a good factor of why, it doesn't help the self-conscious thoughts I can't help but have. Maybe this is why articles and media coverage of Bullshit "weight" problems upset me so...
When everyone made a big whoopity-do over Jessica Simpson I was floored! She gained weight...SO WHAT!? The pics were of a concert where the only thing wrong was that she picked the most unflattering outfit possible! U can be a size 2 and wear something that will make u look big! Before....(but after starving herself and working out like a slave)
and After (keep in mind she is called fat here! ugh)
And speaking of SO WHAT!?...They gonna call Tyra Banks fat?! Are they serious? Ok so here is the media's acceptable Tyra
and here is the media's perception of FAT Tyra
Khloe Kardashian got an unfair shake! I saw on Wendy Williams' show last night that she was on a magazine cover after losing 20 lbs. I thought she looked great, but I also thought she was fine before that! Compared to her sisters, she is 6-9 inches taller than them! She's gonna seem bigger people! if she weighed as much as Kim or Kourtney she'd be "scary lookin".
BEFORE
and AFTER
Marilyn Monroe was a size 16...now before u get excited....over the years sizes have changed so she was an equivalent of a size 10. (Khloe's after pic is a size 6)
The average woman's dress size is a 12 and the average mannequin's dress size is a 6. Yet photoshop'd images lead us to believe you need to be a size 2, 4, or 6 and a plus-size model is a size 10. WTF?! Now with such bullshit going on this end of the spectrum.... How far should we go with the big is beautiful?
Here are some examples of fuller beautiful women that exude confidence.
Accept who you are! DEFINITELY! But at the same time should confidence outweigh common sense?
Uh for example this is just big and wrong...
...as is this!
Look all in all, I am just saying that don't let society judge you based on a standard that is stupid! If you aren't healthy and it is because of weight-related issues do something about it. If you aren't happy with your weight, do something about it. If you feel you are just fine, GREAT! If you are 135 lbs and someone calls u fat, smack them in the mouth! Y? They are BOGUS! LOL Don't let others decide for you that you are unhappy with your image. We should not judge others for their weight...some people have been pre-destined to be skinny all their lives! Some will be thick ... no matter what! Some may have health issues that prevent them or cause them to gain weight, some may just like food damnit!....so what!? Love yourself and love your body...it's the only one you got! Now as a person who has experienced both sides of the weight spectrum, I'll end with this.... For so long I never understood why nothing worked (besides the time when I worked out 3 hours a day 5 times a week and ate no sugars no carbs....lost 50lbs...then gained it riiiiiiiiight back when I decided to live again) and now that I do, I'm pissed that it has come down to a surgery. My reasons are personal - period and I dont need anyone to judge me for my weight or my actions to get rid of 100lbs of it. Yes I rambled..but its my blog so I can!
Ok....guess along w/ keepin it real, I will state that I am 5'8 and last time I was weighed (month ago) I was 274 lbs. May have lost a few since then, but hearing that, you may imagine a big fat slob...WELL I'm no skinny chick thats for damn sure, but damn it, I hold it well! I also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and it's definitely a contributing factor in my weight gain. However, I also have not always made the healthiest of choices either. And in my condition, I have been informed that I don't have the luxury of being relaxed about those choices and I'll be fighting an uphill battle until I lose...well a lot of weight. I wasn't diagnosed until early last fall and so until that diagnosis, I never really understood why I would gain weight at the rate I was along with other complications. ----->Fast Fowared----->Over the last 13 months, a series of visits, referrals, tests, labwork readings, medications, etc. I have agreed (via Drs recommendations and much much research) to have gastric bypass surgery as a means to remedy crucial complications because this would eliminate 90-100% of my complications. Leaving me a healthier woman.
AGAIN... you may be thinking Big Fat Slob! Who else needs a Bariatric surgery?!
(FLASHBACK) Dr. Williams walks in and immediately states, "You do know there are certain BMI and weight requirements in order to be able to go thru with any weight loss surgery?" I laugh and had him the slip the nurse gave me after I stepped on a metal square that apparently told them everything about my weight! "You certainly don't look it," he says. I almost screamed at him, "WELL I AM!" We begin to discuss my options back and forth....but moving on.
I am having gastric bypass. There is some general assumptions that this is an easy way out, I'm lazy, I just want to eat....
For some individuals this very may be true, but in my case it isn't! As per my Doctor, I am in a "chicken vs egg" situation. By this I mean, with PCOS, I gain weight because of it. It only gets better if you lose weight. The more you gain the harder it is to lose. (Egg comes first then there is chicken but chicken produces egg - PCOS comes first- gains weight- weight produces weightloss resistance) There is no cure for it so I must maintain a healthy lifestyle and lose weight to help rid myself of complications caused in relation to PCOS. As for easy way out, this is anything but...I am officially signing me up for daily regimens of horse pill Calcium Citrate + Vitamin D and multi-vitamins, no more Sodas, no gum, foods with less than 15g of sugar, and how can I forget the 2-3 months it may take to even get back to solid foods. Those that know me know (although minor to you) I will miss my damn sweet tea and fruit teas! LOL Also, if I don't follow the rules, I can experience hair loss, "dumping syndrome" , malnutrition, stomach stretching, etc.
So some may ask am I happy that I'll be losing weight...and I'd say yes. Some would ask what is wrong w/ me now, I look good....I'd say thank you but my health is more important. I can't truly say I'm accepting of my weight b/c I am not. I know that I experience the frustration of buying clothes sometimes (forgive me but LANE BRYANT charges penalty fees in their clothes b/c $45 for shirt w/ grandma designs? come on...), getting winded from simple activities, having to scoot up and then get up from the couch, self-esteem issues (bullshit if you a big girl and aint never had a self-esteem moment...comment that shit if I'm wrong!) health risks, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I am a beautiful woman! I carry myself very well and again, although it's no secret I'm not skinny, I normally have to step on a scale for people to believe my weight! *Shout out to the guess your weight people at Fairs, I can always count on you guys for a prize* ....Just at the end of the day, my health is much more of a deciding factor.
The Weight Issue: Big vs Skinny
We all remember the beginning of Oprah's very public Battle of the Bulge...
To me, Oprah was normal, I saw women that size everywhere and noone made a big deal. They seemed happy and looked good. Proud black women. I mean she carried herself well and she dressed nice. Oprah made a change and lost weight because she wanted to. I'm sure there could be factors such as health contributing but it was her business and her right to decide what her weight should be! But I guess b/c she is *in Oprah tone* OPRAAAAH! Her battle (even currently) is very public. Now Roseanne...
has come along way, maybe not necessarily a battle but improvement over the years for sure!
I grew up in Orange County, CA and in the 6th grade I was about 5'6 and maybe 110 lbs. Well one day this white girl (yes I could have just said girl) called me fat. I laughed at her. Unphased, I thought nothing more of it - well not after I talked about her acne so bad she cried!
LMAO But why on earth would it even be logical to call someone who is 110 lbs fat? I was a stick until about my late sophomore/early junior year of HS.
I always had thicker legs though. By the time I graduated from high school, I was 5'8 and 175 lbs. In my opinion that was the best weight for me. Keep in mind I have a big head and being too skinny aint cute on me! *imagines bobble head* LOL a lil' weight helps even that out! Seriously though, I had a pretty good waistline, big legs and nice arms. *trying to determine when I woke up with DD's though...they are definitely weight-gain related! lol* 
From this picture I was 30 lbs over my "ideal" weight of 145. However the weight kept coming and *fast foward* ten years later I have gained 100 lbs. 
Now in knowing I have PCOS, and that this is a good factor of why, it doesn't help the self-conscious thoughts I can't help but have. Maybe this is why articles and media coverage of Bullshit "weight" problems upset me so...When everyone made a big whoopity-do over Jessica Simpson I was floored! She gained weight...SO WHAT!? The pics were of a concert where the only thing wrong was that she picked the most unflattering outfit possible! U can be a size 2 and wear something that will make u look big! Before....(but after starving herself and working out like a slave)
and After (keep in mind she is called fat here! ugh)
And speaking of SO WHAT!?...They gonna call Tyra Banks fat?! Are they serious? Ok so here is the media's acceptable Tyra
and here is the media's perception of FAT Tyra
Khloe Kardashian got an unfair shake! I saw on Wendy Williams' show last night that she was on a magazine cover after losing 20 lbs. I thought she looked great, but I also thought she was fine before that! Compared to her sisters, she is 6-9 inches taller than them! She's gonna seem bigger people! if she weighed as much as Kim or Kourtney she'd be "scary lookin".
BEFORE
and AFTER
Marilyn Monroe was a size 16...now before u get excited....over the years sizes have changed so she was an equivalent of a size 10. (Khloe's after pic is a size 6)
The average woman's dress size is a 12 and the average mannequin's dress size is a 6. Yet photoshop'd images lead us to believe you need to be a size 2, 4, or 6 and a plus-size model is a size 10. WTF?! Now with such bullshit going on this end of the spectrum.... How far should we go with the big is beautiful? Here are some examples of fuller beautiful women that exude confidence.
Accept who you are! DEFINITELY! But at the same time should confidence outweigh common sense?
Uh for example this is just big and wrong...
...as is this!
Look all in all, I am just saying that don't let society judge you based on a standard that is stupid! If you aren't healthy and it is because of weight-related issues do something about it. If you aren't happy with your weight, do something about it. If you feel you are just fine, GREAT! If you are 135 lbs and someone calls u fat, smack them in the mouth! Y? They are BOGUS! LOL Don't let others decide for you that you are unhappy with your image. We should not judge others for their weight...some people have been pre-destined to be skinny all their lives! Some will be thick ... no matter what! Some may have health issues that prevent them or cause them to gain weight, some may just like food damnit!....so what!? Love yourself and love your body...it's the only one you got! Now as a person who has experienced both sides of the weight spectrum, I'll end with this.... For so long I never understood why nothing worked (besides the time when I worked out 3 hours a day 5 times a week and ate no sugars no carbs....lost 50lbs...then gained it riiiiiiiiight back when I decided to live again) and now that I do, I'm pissed that it has come down to a surgery. My reasons are personal - period and I dont need anyone to judge me for my weight or my actions to get rid of 100lbs of it. Yes I rambled..but its my blog so I can!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The wrong equation
Me + Him = Broken Heart
Me + Him = Acts of Stupidity
Me + Him = Alone
If you get what you give then how does the following make sense:
Jode gives 110% and recieves 20%
Well it doesn't and yet that seems to be the equation I kept putting myself in over and over and over...
Only realizing that the factors being used to complete the complex equation of love were the factors to perfectly sum up Lust and Lies.
OK OK so I get it! Well I actually came across the right equation by chance... I had been so used to writing the same answers so long that I hadn't recognized what was right until it continued to constantly add up over and over. Honesty + patience + trust + generosity + communication + empathy + passion + beliefs + humor + happiness + agressiveness + determination + damn what they say mentality = Me + Him which is an equivalent to LOVE. Me + Him = LOVE Me + Him = LOVE and just in case it ain't clear enough Me + Him = LOVE.
After a decade of being what Men wanted me to be...a decade after putting myself last....a decade after losing myself.....a decade after pretending I was ok with what I was doing....after a decade of being loyal to the disloyal....after a decade of selling my soul for emotional gain...after a decade of fakin ME outta the ME I would become.....I have been rescued by a man that is willing to grant my every wish and desire...
Here is Jill @ DefPoetry Jam and if nothin else has ever spoke on how I felt about my acts in the past... its this:
I have always gave sooooo much of myself that I am still learning how to accept that this man wants to take care of me in every aspect of my life. I almost don't know how to accept the acts of generosity he offers...but I have accepted that he makes my world better.
You know one thing about love is that you must also know how to ACCEPT it. It's actually easier to love than to be loved. Or is that just me? I kinda wish we could both sing B/C cuz I love him so much I feel like singing to hills about it....and of course him singing right back to me... We'd have our own musical on Broadway! HA! Ok so I'm being silly! But instead of us doin it... Listen to Will and Rachell
It really doesn't matter that it's been a shorter amount of time....I have spoke this longevity into existence! Refernceing the forementioned equation..did you see doubt or negativity? NOPE! I'm now accepting that it is not a one person show and loving every minute. JW2 (JWsquared) = LOVE :-)
I always said that noone completes you they just add to you...but I can say that it truly feels like I'm complete when it comes to him. I know like hell I'm a hell of a woman but now I feel 100x more spectacular :-) Jonas this one's for you....
Me + Him = Acts of Stupidity
Me + Him = Alone
If you get what you give then how does the following make sense:
Jode gives 110% and recieves 20%
Well it doesn't and yet that seems to be the equation I kept putting myself in over and over and over...
Only realizing that the factors being used to complete the complex equation of love were the factors to perfectly sum up Lust and Lies.
OK OK so I get it! Well I actually came across the right equation by chance... I had been so used to writing the same answers so long that I hadn't recognized what was right until it continued to constantly add up over and over. Honesty + patience + trust + generosity + communication + empathy + passion + beliefs + humor + happiness + agressiveness + determination + damn what they say mentality = Me + Him which is an equivalent to LOVE. Me + Him = LOVE Me + Him = LOVE and just in case it ain't clear enough Me + Him = LOVE.
After a decade of being what Men wanted me to be...a decade after putting myself last....a decade after losing myself.....a decade after pretending I was ok with what I was doing....after a decade of being loyal to the disloyal....after a decade of selling my soul for emotional gain...after a decade of fakin ME outta the ME I would become.....I have been rescued by a man that is willing to grant my every wish and desire...
Here is Jill @ DefPoetry Jam and if nothin else has ever spoke on how I felt about my acts in the past... its this:
I have always gave sooooo much of myself that I am still learning how to accept that this man wants to take care of me in every aspect of my life. I almost don't know how to accept the acts of generosity he offers...but I have accepted that he makes my world better.
You know one thing about love is that you must also know how to ACCEPT it. It's actually easier to love than to be loved. Or is that just me? I kinda wish we could both sing B/C cuz I love him so much I feel like singing to hills about it....and of course him singing right back to me... We'd have our own musical on Broadway! HA! Ok so I'm being silly! But instead of us doin it... Listen to Will and Rachell
It really doesn't matter that it's been a shorter amount of time....I have spoke this longevity into existence! Refernceing the forementioned equation..did you see doubt or negativity? NOPE! I'm now accepting that it is not a one person show and loving every minute. JW2 (JWsquared) = LOVE :-)
I always said that noone completes you they just add to you...but I can say that it truly feels like I'm complete when it comes to him. I know like hell I'm a hell of a woman but now I feel 100x more spectacular :-) Jonas this one's for you....
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Closure
Closure is overrated...
I found myself reflecting over the last couple of “let downs” from the opposite sex. I have felt the need to have closure, to have a true understanding of what happened, and to hear them admit their faults.
For what?
Here were my reasons…or so I thought…
Closure – an ending to us displaying a full circle or completion. It’s like comparing it to the series finale vs. a show being cancelled; a murderer being caught and convicted vs. an unsolved mystery moved to the cold case files. Without closure, there are unanswered questions, what if’s and coulda woulda shoulda’s that can drive you mad. Seeking validation from that person or wanting them to say something that will magically make the pain go away is foolish. The need to have full understanding because one is so baffled will just lead to questions and sub-questions …. When you seem to be getting nowhere with those questions, you get frustrated and just want them to admit how wrong they were… They will never be able to do that. Then what?
Well welcome to entrapment! The need for all that is just like being setup for the same disappointing end. Whether a man gives you closure does not change the present situation. He will still be a dog, he will still have wronged you, and you will still be no longer involved in that matter. While you are pining away at heartache and confusion, he is still benefiting off of the same behavior he displayed towards you and thinking nothing of it!
Some crazy people don’t feel the need for closure or sane closure…as seen here:
Crazy/pyscho is not a good look! UGH! ....moving on...
Here is a…..um… an idea (I don’t really like it but hey….here it goes)
Here are some things I think you can do to give yourself what you want so very badly.
1. Compare his pros vs. cons. How does he measure up? Nine times out of ten, if he treated you wrong and left you high and dry…..he’s probably just a bit on the “con” side.
2. If he left you for another….Look at whom they left you for. If you can find that you are slightly or waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of the person, find joy in that. Know your worth. Find someone who will appreciate it. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. You don’t deserve to be done wrong.
THEM....
vs. YOU 
3. Honestly, screw principle; screw the lies that were told…..were you really that interested? Or were you an innocent party in the relationship? Where you screwing Paul while he was screwing Jane? You can’t get that mad then!
4. You need to Reality Check yourself. You may not have been as great as you thought you were. Or did that façade you were walking around with….magically get exposed?
You can’t expect greatness when you are half past average. If you were them, you wouldn’t want you either.
5. Re-direct your energy. Baby, find a hobby! I guarantee if you find something (or someone) to do with your time, you’ll lose sight of your pain in no time.
(j/k … say no to drugs!!!!)
6. Build a bridge and get over it!
Give yourself closure. Learn from it and move on. Don’t put yourself in the same type of relationship repeatedly. Accept what they did to you. It happened. Learn from it and learn to know in the future what is unacceptable.
Now, again, closure is not needed – It’s just a great bonus. I’m not saying don’t hope for it because it could very happen. Just don’t put soooooo much time and energy into it! Even if you get the answers and the apology you want, the pain will still be there. The only thing to truly help you get over it is time.
I found myself reflecting over the last couple of “let downs” from the opposite sex. I have felt the need to have closure, to have a true understanding of what happened, and to hear them admit their faults.
For what?
Here were my reasons…or so I thought…
Closure – an ending to us displaying a full circle or completion. It’s like comparing it to the series finale vs. a show being cancelled; a murderer being caught and convicted vs. an unsolved mystery moved to the cold case files. Without closure, there are unanswered questions, what if’s and coulda woulda shoulda’s that can drive you mad. Seeking validation from that person or wanting them to say something that will magically make the pain go away is foolish. The need to have full understanding because one is so baffled will just lead to questions and sub-questions …. When you seem to be getting nowhere with those questions, you get frustrated and just want them to admit how wrong they were… They will never be able to do that. Then what?
Well welcome to entrapment! The need for all that is just like being setup for the same disappointing end. Whether a man gives you closure does not change the present situation. He will still be a dog, he will still have wronged you, and you will still be no longer involved in that matter. While you are pining away at heartache and confusion, he is still benefiting off of the same behavior he displayed towards you and thinking nothing of it!
Some crazy people don’t feel the need for closure or sane closure…as seen here:
Crazy/pyscho is not a good look! UGH! ....moving on...
Here is a…..um… an idea (I don’t really like it but hey….here it goes)
Here are some things I think you can do to give yourself what you want so very badly.
1. Compare his pros vs. cons. How does he measure up? Nine times out of ten, if he treated you wrong and left you high and dry…..he’s probably just a bit on the “con” side.
2. If he left you for another….Look at whom they left you for. If you can find that you are slightly or waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of the person, find joy in that. Know your worth. Find someone who will appreciate it. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. You don’t deserve to be done wrong.
THEM....
vs. YOU 
3. Honestly, screw principle; screw the lies that were told…..were you really that interested? Or were you an innocent party in the relationship? Where you screwing Paul while he was screwing Jane? You can’t get that mad then!
4. You need to Reality Check yourself. You may not have been as great as you thought you were. Or did that façade you were walking around with….magically get exposed?
You can’t expect greatness when you are half past average. If you were them, you wouldn’t want you either.
5. Re-direct your energy. Baby, find a hobby! I guarantee if you find something (or someone) to do with your time, you’ll lose sight of your pain in no time.
(j/k … say no to drugs!!!!)
6. Build a bridge and get over it!
Give yourself closure. Learn from it and move on. Don’t put yourself in the same type of relationship repeatedly. Accept what they did to you. It happened. Learn from it and learn to know in the future what is unacceptable.
Now, again, closure is not needed – It’s just a great bonus. I’m not saying don’t hope for it because it could very happen. Just don’t put soooooo much time and energy into it! Even if you get the answers and the apology you want, the pain will still be there. The only thing to truly help you get over it is time.
Matters of the Heart
Sometimes a situation is not as great as your heart leads you to believe. Sometimes a friendship is not as solid as your heart leads you to believe. Sometimes the world is not as rosy as your heart leads you to believe. Sometimes your heart just lies to you to protect you from the harsh realities of the real world, the real man or woman, or simply ...reality. It usually takes heartbreak and pain before one's mind and logic presents the truth that you chose to ignore in undeniable fashion...
The heart is not just the source for love of a spouse/significant other/lover...it can also be a source for love of a friend, family member, way of life....But today I think I will focus on the the romance aspect of it.
Matters of the Heart: Love (or the illusion of Love)
Jazmine Sullivan's Lions, Tigers and Bears is a song that puts a very real spin on Love...Not that love is wonderful and filled w/ peaches and creme or roses in bloom...but that Love is scary. It's something that doesn't seem to last... To point out a few lines to show how dead on this song is, I'll start with:
"Just cuz I love you, and you love me... It doesn't mean that we're meant to be"
"Why does it feel like those who give in, they only wind up losing a friend.."
"Why do we love love....when love seems to hate us?"
The first quote that I mentioned has never been more true. You can love someone with all your might and they can love you with all their's...but sometimes that is not going to keep you together. All that will do is prolong the agony and the hurt and the frustration as to why is the relationship not working!? Love will keep you intangled in a cycle of good times, disagreements that turn into arguments, arguments that lead to silence, silence that leads to doubt, doubt that leads to accusations, and whatever else.
But because you love this person you forgive them and work through it...but if this is what continues to happen...it's no longer love...it's stupidity. I loved someone for a long time and he loved me... but we were like a match and gasoline...EXPLOSIVE. Definitely not meant to be. Looking back, I see continuing along a path of love but not compatibility would have led to a very bad situation. But I woke up one day.....Hallelujah! ....
Which leads me to "...those who give in, they only wind up losing a friend." I lost a friend who has known me the majority of my lifetime in the process. But in the end that is the price you pay to maintain your sanity and regain some real happiness.
Yet there are many couples who stay together existing in a unhappy state
....and continue to work it out...but in the midst of all that working out...there's cheating...dishonesty...betrayal....and even violence. They try to work it out so hard they get married, have kids, buy houses....all the while - the initial issues were never resolved, hell, sometimes not even acknowledged. And what do you think happens then?
Yep good ol' DIVORCE - or in some people's world... Seperation for forever! Or a household where no one wants to leave for whatever reason so ... they just cheat...sleep w/ whoever and come back home miserable... Anyhoo...different blog different time. Then you're left with final noted quote..."Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us?"
Love is simply a tool or a factor in a relationship. It's nowhere near everything in a relationship.
Perhaps Tina Turner said it best...."What's love Got to Do With It?"
Just a second-hand emotion I say. When people rely solely on Love to get them through, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I could very well be feeling this way because I have been scorned before, but you must admit it does make sense.
I'm just saying...don't look away from what is right in front of you....
The heart is not just the source for love of a spouse/significant other/lover...it can also be a source for love of a friend, family member, way of life....But today I think I will focus on the the romance aspect of it.
Matters of the Heart: Love (or the illusion of Love)
Jazmine Sullivan's Lions, Tigers and Bears is a song that puts a very real spin on Love...Not that love is wonderful and filled w/ peaches and creme or roses in bloom...but that Love is scary. It's something that doesn't seem to last... To point out a few lines to show how dead on this song is, I'll start with:
"Just cuz I love you, and you love me... It doesn't mean that we're meant to be"
"Why does it feel like those who give in, they only wind up losing a friend.."
"Why do we love love....when love seems to hate us?"
The first quote that I mentioned has never been more true. You can love someone with all your might and they can love you with all their's...but sometimes that is not going to keep you together. All that will do is prolong the agony and the hurt and the frustration as to why is the relationship not working!? Love will keep you intangled in a cycle of good times, disagreements that turn into arguments, arguments that lead to silence, silence that leads to doubt, doubt that leads to accusations, and whatever else.
But because you love this person you forgive them and work through it...but if this is what continues to happen...it's no longer love...it's stupidity. I loved someone for a long time and he loved me... but we were like a match and gasoline...EXPLOSIVE. Definitely not meant to be. Looking back, I see continuing along a path of love but not compatibility would have led to a very bad situation. But I woke up one day.....Hallelujah! ....
Which leads me to "...those who give in, they only wind up losing a friend." I lost a friend who has known me the majority of my lifetime in the process. But in the end that is the price you pay to maintain your sanity and regain some real happiness.
Yet there are many couples who stay together existing in a unhappy state
....and continue to work it out...but in the midst of all that working out...there's cheating...dishonesty...betrayal....and even violence. They try to work it out so hard they get married, have kids, buy houses....all the while - the initial issues were never resolved, hell, sometimes not even acknowledged. And what do you think happens then?
Yep good ol' DIVORCE - or in some people's world... Seperation for forever! Or a household where no one wants to leave for whatever reason so ... they just cheat...sleep w/ whoever and come back home miserable... Anyhoo...different blog different time. Then you're left with final noted quote..."Why do we love love, when love seems to hate us?"
Love is simply a tool or a factor in a relationship. It's nowhere near everything in a relationship.
Perhaps Tina Turner said it best...."What's love Got to Do With It?"
Just a second-hand emotion I say. When people rely solely on Love to get them through, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I could very well be feeling this way because I have been scorned before, but you must admit it does make sense.
I'm just saying...don't look away from what is right in front of you....
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