Ok....guess along w/ keepin it real, I will state that I am 5'8 and last time I was weighed (month ago) I was 274 lbs. May have lost a few since then, but hearing that, you may imagine a big fat slob...WELL I'm no skinny chick thats for damn sure, but damn it, I hold it well! I also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and it's definitely a contributing factor in my weight gain. However, I also have not always made the healthiest of choices either. And in my condition, I have been informed that I don't have the luxury of being relaxed about those choices and I'll be fighting an uphill battle until I lose...well a lot of weight. I wasn't diagnosed until early last fall and so until that diagnosis, I never really understood why I would gain weight at the rate I was along with other complications. ----->Fast Fowared----->Over the last 13 months, a series of visits, referrals, tests, labwork readings, medications, etc. I have agreed (via Drs recommendations and much much research) to have gastric bypass surgery as a means to remedy crucial complications because this would eliminate 90-100% of my complications. Leaving me a healthier woman.
AGAIN... you may be thinking Big Fat Slob! Who else needs a Bariatric surgery?!
(FLASHBACK) Dr. Williams walks in and immediately states, "You do know there are certain BMI and weight requirements in order to be able to go thru with any weight loss surgery?" I laugh and had him the slip the nurse gave me after I stepped on a metal square that apparently told them everything about my weight! "You certainly don't look it," he says. I almost screamed at him, "WELL I AM!" We begin to discuss my options back and forth....but moving on.
I am having gastric bypass. There is some general assumptions that this is an easy way out, I'm lazy, I just want to eat....
For some individuals this very may be true, but in my case it isn't! As per my Doctor, I am in a "chicken vs egg" situation. By this I mean, with PCOS, I gain weight because of it. It only gets better if you lose weight. The more you gain the harder it is to lose. (Egg comes first then there is chicken but chicken produces egg - PCOS comes first- gains weight- weight produces weightloss resistance) There is no cure for it so I must maintain a healthy lifestyle and lose weight to help rid myself of complications caused in relation to PCOS. As for easy way out, this is anything but...I am officially signing me up for daily regimens of horse pill Calcium Citrate + Vitamin D and multi-vitamins, no more Sodas, no gum, foods with less than 15g of sugar, and how can I forget the 2-3 months it may take to even get back to solid foods. Those that know me know (although minor to you) I will miss my damn sweet tea and fruit teas! LOL Also, if I don't follow the rules, I can experience hair loss, "dumping syndrome" , malnutrition, stomach stretching, etc.
So some may ask am I happy that I'll be losing weight...and I'd say yes. Some would ask what is wrong w/ me now, I look good....I'd say thank you but my health is more important. I can't truly say I'm accepting of my weight b/c I am not. I know that I experience the frustration of buying clothes sometimes (forgive me but LANE BRYANT charges penalty fees in their clothes b/c $45 for shirt w/ grandma designs? come on...), getting winded from simple activities, having to scoot up and then get up from the couch, self-esteem issues (bullshit if you a big girl and aint never had a self-esteem moment...comment that shit if I'm wrong!) health risks, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I am a beautiful woman! I carry myself very well and again, although it's no secret I'm not skinny, I normally have to step on a scale for people to believe my weight! *Shout out to the guess your weight people at Fairs, I can always count on you guys for a prize* ....Just at the end of the day, my health is much more of a deciding factor.
The Weight Issue: Big vs Skinny
We all remember the beginning of Oprah's very public Battle of the Bulge...
To me, Oprah was normal, I saw women that size everywhere and noone made a big deal. They seemed happy and looked good. Proud black women. I mean she carried herself well and she dressed nice. Oprah made a change and lost weight because she wanted to. I'm sure there could be factors such as health contributing but it was her business and her right to decide what her weight should be! But I guess b/c she is *in Oprah tone* OPRAAAAH! Her battle (even currently) is very public. Now Roseanne...
has come along way, maybe not necessarily a battle but improvement over the years for sure!
I grew up in Orange County, CA and in the 6th grade I was about 5'6 and maybe 110 lbs. Well one day this white girl (yes I could have just said girl) called me fat. I laughed at her. Unphased, I thought nothing more of it - well not after I talked about her acne so bad she cried!
LMAO But why on earth would it even be logical to call someone who is 110 lbs fat? I was a stick until about my late sophomore/early junior year of HS.
I always had thicker legs though. By the time I graduated from high school, I was 5'8 and 175 lbs. In my opinion that was the best weight for me. Keep in mind I have a big head and being too skinny aint cute on me! *imagines bobble head* LOL a lil' weight helps even that out! Seriously though, I had a pretty good waistline, big legs and nice arms. *trying to determine when I woke up with DD's though...they are definitely weight-gain related! lol* 
From this picture I was 30 lbs over my "ideal" weight of 145. However the weight kept coming and *fast foward* ten years later I have gained 100 lbs. 
Now in knowing I have PCOS, and that this is a good factor of why, it doesn't help the self-conscious thoughts I can't help but have. Maybe this is why articles and media coverage of Bullshit "weight" problems upset me so...When everyone made a big whoopity-do over Jessica Simpson I was floored! She gained weight...SO WHAT!? The pics were of a concert where the only thing wrong was that she picked the most unflattering outfit possible! U can be a size 2 and wear something that will make u look big! Before....(but after starving herself and working out like a slave)
and After (keep in mind she is called fat here! ugh)
And speaking of SO WHAT!?...They gonna call Tyra Banks fat?! Are they serious? Ok so here is the media's acceptable Tyra
and here is the media's perception of FAT Tyra
Khloe Kardashian got an unfair shake! I saw on Wendy Williams' show last night that she was on a magazine cover after losing 20 lbs. I thought she looked great, but I also thought she was fine before that! Compared to her sisters, she is 6-9 inches taller than them! She's gonna seem bigger people! if she weighed as much as Kim or Kourtney she'd be "scary lookin".
BEFORE
and AFTER
Marilyn Monroe was a size 16...now before u get excited....over the years sizes have changed so she was an equivalent of a size 10. (Khloe's after pic is a size 6)
The average woman's dress size is a 12 and the average mannequin's dress size is a 6. Yet photoshop'd images lead us to believe you need to be a size 2, 4, or 6 and a plus-size model is a size 10. WTF?! Now with such bullshit going on this end of the spectrum.... How far should we go with the big is beautiful? Here are some examples of fuller beautiful women that exude confidence.
Accept who you are! DEFINITELY! But at the same time should confidence outweigh common sense?
Uh for example this is just big and wrong...
...as is this!
Look all in all, I am just saying that don't let society judge you based on a standard that is stupid! If you aren't healthy and it is because of weight-related issues do something about it. If you aren't happy with your weight, do something about it. If you feel you are just fine, GREAT! If you are 135 lbs and someone calls u fat, smack them in the mouth! Y? They are BOGUS! LOL Don't let others decide for you that you are unhappy with your image. We should not judge others for their weight...some people have been pre-destined to be skinny all their lives! Some will be thick ... no matter what! Some may have health issues that prevent them or cause them to gain weight, some may just like food damnit!....so what!? Love yourself and love your body...it's the only one you got! Now as a person who has experienced both sides of the weight spectrum, I'll end with this.... For so long I never understood why nothing worked (besides the time when I worked out 3 hours a day 5 times a week and ate no sugars no carbs....lost 50lbs...then gained it riiiiiiiiight back when I decided to live again) and now that I do, I'm pissed that it has come down to a surgery. My reasons are personal - period and I dont need anyone to judge me for my weight or my actions to get rid of 100lbs of it. Yes I rambled..but its my blog so I can!
Girl, I overstand, I overstand!
ReplyDeleteThe difference between you and I is that I have never known an "average sized" version of myself. I have a birth defect with my feet that kept me in casts off and on until I was 10 years old. So while others were losing baby fat from running around, I was in a wheelchair. However, I remember those days of being a little less pudgy in the gut area.
I remember back in about 1997, I would be so upset at my weight. I wanted to be smaller. I was tired of being teased and I didn't want to be "the fat girl" anymore. Since then, I have gained weight, but I gained some hellified self-esteem as well. My decision to begin working out three weeks ago is because I want to look better. My confidence is still through the roof, but believe me when I say people tend to doubt that. When Mo'nique lost weight, people claimed that she was really miserable, etc. Doing something for you sounds damn confident don't you think?
Either way, I'll drink for you...shit.
I can relate on this subject. I have gained 40lbs over the last couple years and for a while I have tried almost everything to get rid of it. At one point though I looked at stared in the mirror and realized I love the body I had got still overweight I need and feel I do need to lose some weight because it doesnt feel good on my 5'2 frame but other than that love your body and if you feel it neccesary to lose some then do so for you and not because someone offers there definition of what you should be. We are all imperfect and have these imperfect bodies until further notice from God. So with that said DO YOU BOO! and WORK IT!!!!!!!!!!
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